I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
