JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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