Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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