the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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