I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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