Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
