I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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