I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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