He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
