You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
