Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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