it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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