you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
