wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
