You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
