The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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