Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
