Umm I'm too high to move.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
