then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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