I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
