I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
