woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
