I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
