i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
