I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
