Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
