Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
