Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
