just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
