One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
