You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
