shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
