I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
