I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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