He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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