i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
