Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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