I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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