WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
