At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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