I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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