i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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