i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I could make wine with my vomit
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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