i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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