u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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