smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
