You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
