You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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