That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
