Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
