You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
