There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
