i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
